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Long ago | Days to come

Pairing: Father Kreiner/Eight
Challenge
: Regrets
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Spoilers: For the EDA The Ancestor Cell. The Story will be understandable only if you have read that, I fear.
Summary:  This hand is meaning to hurt you, but it doesn’t.
Note: 
For lack of time and personal reasons this will be, for a long time at least, my last post in this community. I'm not sure how often I can come here to read your stories, so you'll probably not get many comments from me in the near future. I'm sorry for that, and that I'll miss your works. They have, so far as I have read them, all been great!


Dead eyes watch you from an almost unrecognizable face. Dead, but burning. Their stare runs straight into your very soul, uncovering all your secrets but finding only those he wants to find. You open your heart to let him know, to make him understand but he doesn’t see. He’s created his own truth, and the skin his one working, trembling hand touches isn’t yours. It’s the skin of a man you hope doesn’t exist.

This hand is meaning to hurt you, but it doesn’t. And yet it hurts, keeps the air from your lungs until you’re drowning. You know it is your fault, and the guilt is crippling.

He’s lived too long, suffered too much, living among monsters and becoming one in the process. You never wanted this to happen to him; the truth, the realisation sinks in slowly even now, and the horror grows with each passing second. He is what you made him. Never have you wanted so much to undo the past. It’s a dangerous thought and you know where it’s leading. Fighting desperation you wonder if he is aware that in all of this he is just a tool, all his pain just part of the plan meant lead you to this point.

You’re almost there. The battle with desperation is lost the moment you realise that to keep yourself, to keep everything from becoming like him you’ll have to sacrifice him, once again.

Fingers tremble against your cheek with the desire to tear off your face, to caress. He has waited for you for so long. You look into his eyes in search of the man you once knew and mourn for what you find. For he is in there still, lost, helpless but still there, a shadow that survived to wait for you for all these years. He is waiting for you even now. Come and save me.

Please.

You can’t look away. You hearts shatter.

Do you regret abandoning me now, asks he, who is too torn to hurt you and too broken not to. Do you wish you’d come back?

Yes, you want to say. And, I’m sorry. So sorry. I didn’t know. You look for your friend in his dead eyes and say, I can’t turn back time. Except you could and he knows it.

His lips are dry, brittle and bloodless, and cold against yours. He hates you – you know you deserve it and it breaks your hearts even more that he can’t get over you, that he’ll forgive you in the end.

You break his heart in return when you take his face in your hands and call him by his name. He can’t bear it, tells you to stop when what he longs for, more than anything, is to be that man one more time. You say it again, firmly. The name is still his and you want him to know it.

In the end he’ll forgive you. The certainty is a poison that swallows your soul.

A single hand, brittle yet strong enough to snap your neck in a second curls in your hair. You imagine, when he kisses you, that he tastes the betrayal, the cowardice, the lie, and maybe, just maybe, the necessity, all compressed and waiting on your lips.

When you kiss him back you only taste ash.

 

 

September 8, 2008

Comments

( 13 screwdrivers — Is that a screwdriver in your pocket? )
wishfulaces
Dec. 14th, 2008 10:39 pm (UTC)
Oh hells. So true to the completely screwed-up dynamic between them.

He is waiting for you even now. Come and save me.

Please.
vail_kagami
Dec. 14th, 2008 11:10 pm (UTC)
Wow. I thought this was going to go down in histroy as The Unread Fic.
Thanks for commenting. Yes, that was screwed-up to no end. Original!Fitz's fate just broke my heart.
wishfulaces
Dec. 15th, 2008 12:18 am (UTC)
Heh. I have written far too many fics like that, and when I saw this one didn't have any comments, I said screw that!

I found it, by the way, through the rare pairing link-gathering on who_otp.

Oh, yes, heart-breakage, definitely. And anger. HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO FITZ. Um.
vail_kagami
Dec. 15th, 2008 07:05 pm (UTC)
But the book also made me declare to everyone that Fitz is totally pwning Jack. Unfortunately all of my friends are Jack fans and none of them know Fitz...

You're aces at Teaspoon, aren't you? I think I did read (and left comments for) a number of your stories there last week. (Username: schildkroet) You're such a great writer!
wishfulaces
Dec. 16th, 2008 01:43 am (UTC)
It's only because Jack has the screentime, and Fitz only ever had the books. And now one quarter of an audio. You've got to start somewhere if you're a fictional character...

I am indeed aces over there! And my email notifications about receiving reviews can be very spotty, so I'll have to remember to run over to the site and look. In any case, thank you so much!
vail_kagami
Dec. 16th, 2008 01:03 pm (UTC)
If it helps, I'd been on a hunt for Fitz/Eight stories when I read yours. And I fear my comments have been quite uncreatively along the lines of "OMG You're wonderful!", generally.

Thank you for posting your stories! If I read somehting I like, the least thing I can do is leaving a comment.
nightrider101
Dec. 18th, 2008 10:16 pm (UTC)
Oh, wow!

I can't really comment on the pairing, but I can certainly say something about the quality of writing and the heartbreaking picture you've painted!

Do you regret abandoning me now, asks he, who is too torn to hurt you and too broken not to.

That's just one example of the power lines you often include in your stories that leave such a lasting impression on me.

Amazing writing!

vail_kagami
Dec. 20th, 2008 07:54 pm (UTC)
Hey! Didn't I tell you you don't have to read this? Bad girl! Bad!


... I love you.
nightrider101
Dec. 21st, 2008 10:04 pm (UTC)
The feeling is mutual. ;)
teh22oz
Jun. 23rd, 2009 03:24 am (UTC)
OMFG
(I'm searching for the Eight/Fitz fics all the time - and yay! - my friend recced you)
I love your characterizations and your style. It's a bitter story, but truthful.
(add 2 mems)
Thank you for sharing ♥♥♥
vail_kagami
Jun. 27th, 2009 01:06 am (UTC)
Thank you very much! This story doesn't get much love, so I'm extra happy someone read and liked it!
weinende_rot
Sep. 3rd, 2014 02:00 pm (UTC)
OK *looks at the date*

I just have to say that this is perfect piece and it totally break my heart. Even if I'm writing this comment into the void

♥ ♥ ♥
vail_kagami
Sep. 4th, 2014 08:44 pm (UTC)
No void to be found here. Your comment,´made me very happy, to be honest, because this is a story I remember being rahter fond of and it still thrills me when somebody actually reads it. :) Thank you so much for your kind words!
( 13 screwdrivers — Is that a screwdriver in your pocket? )

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